Highlands Fellowship The Book of James: Managing Your Mouth Transcript

Well, hey everybody and welcome to Highlands Fellowship. It's so good to have each and every one of you here with us today. Whether you're at our Bristol campus, our Marion campus, at one of our venues here in Abingdon, online or on TV, I want to say a big welcome to each and every one of you and I'm so grateful that we get to spend this time together. I pray that you would truly experience life with Jesus today as we jump in and hear from his word. Also, if you happen to be new with us, if you're here for the very first time, I want to say a big welcome to each and every one of you and I want you to make yourself feel right at home because as we like to say around here, Highlands is home. And so welcome today and I pray again that you would truly experience life with Jesus.

Today, we are in week eight of our series that we've been in as we've been walking slowly through the book of James. And in this series, it's all about an authentic faith that's lived out daily. And without a doubt, one of the biggest causes of problems that we have in our world today is immaturity. Because we don't have a lack of information. We don't have a lack of opportunity. But we do have a significant lack of maturity. And so the idea of maturity that we're talking about is not just about getting older.

Maturity is not just about age, but it's about how you respond, how you think, and how you believe. It's the ability to think clearly instead of reacting emotionally. It's choosing what's right instead of what's easy. Maturity is responding with wisdom instead of with impulse. It's remaining steady when life is really difficult. And when that kind of maturity is missing, all we see everywhere is immaturity.

We see it all over the place. People say things that they shouldn't say. They make decisions that they shouldn't make. They react instead of respond. They let emotions drive their actions. And if we're honest, this is not just a world problem, right? We see this inside of us and we see it inside of the church, too. We've all said things that we will regret. We've all made decisions that we wish we could take back. We've handled situations poorly because we weren't thinking clearly.

And at the root of so many of our problems is this simple truth. We haven't learned to respond with maturity. And deep down, we know it. We feel the tension. We feel the gap between where we are and where God wants us to be. And my desire is that we begin to actually close that gap by doing what's necessary to become more like Jesus in the way that we think and in the way that we live. But for some reason, when it comes to our faith, the expectation for growth seems to disappear.

Something shifts, right? And spiritual growth, it just seems to not be treated as an expectation, but it seems to be treated as optional. But in every other area of our lives, growth is normal, growth is expected, and growth is necessary. This should be the way it is in the church as well. You know, throughout this series, we've talked about many areas of our lives that we need to pay attention to. From dealing with our problems to making wise decisions, overcoming temptations, being doers of the word and not hearers only, to treating people right.

And last week, Pastor Paul from our Bristol campus gave a wonderful message on a very difficult passage that helped to bring some clarity to real faith and what real faith is and how faith without works is dead. We've been covering some ground in this series, and this is very practical stuff that is relevant for us in the world that we live in right now. Today, we're going to be continuing our series through the book of James, and we're talking about something that every single one of us is dealing with and struggles with on a regular basis. And that is managing our mouths.

We live in a world that is absolutely filled with noise. Everybody has an opinion. Everybody has something to say. We have podcasts, we have talk shows, we have comment sections, we have social media posts, and constant conversations in person and also on our devices. We're always speaking. We're always saying something, and with that, we have to understand that our words carry weight to them. What we say can build people up or it can tear them down.

Our words can bring healing or create hurt. They can strengthen relationships or they can destroy them. And James talks about the tongue really more than any other New Testament writer because he knows that what comes out of our mouths reveals what's happening inside of our hearts. And so, if you have a Bible or Bible app with you, go ahead and open those up to the book of James. We're going to be in chapter 3 today. And so, what we're going to do is we're going to start by reading the passage of scripture that we're going to be studying in our time together. It's James chapter 3 verses 1 through 12.

It says this. Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by the strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.

Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind. But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue, we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. So let me ask you a question. Has there ever been a time when your mouth has gotten you in trouble? I know mine has.

So let's start breaking this passage down. In James chapter 3 verse 2 it says, "We stumble in many ways. Anyone who never has fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check." So James is not talking about sinless perfection here, but this word here means mature, it means complete, it means spiritually healthy. In other words, one of the clearest signs of spiritual maturity is learning to control your tongue. James says that if you want to know how healthy somebody is spiritually, listen to the way that they speak. Because eventually, your words are going to reveal your heart.

And you may even be asking the question, "Why do my words matter?" Well, we're going to look into that and we're going to try to answer that question today. So, James actually gives us three reasons why our words matter so much. And the first one is this: my words set the direction of my life. James says our tongues may be small, but they have enormous influence. Then, he gives us two illustrations. First, he talks about a horse in James chapter 3, verse 3, when he says this: "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal."

You can have a massive, powerful horse, but a tiny bit in its mouth directs where the horse goes. Something small controls something so big and powerful. Then, James points to a ship in James chapter 3, verse 4, where it says this: "Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go." So, a huge ship can survive waves, it can survive storms and strong winds because of a small rudder keeping it on course. And James says, "Your tongue works the same way. Your words are steering your life."

And James is telling us something powerful. Small things can actually determine these big decisions, these big directions, these big destinations. The same is true for our words. So, what you consistently say affects the direction of your relationship, your attitude, your future, and even your spiritual life. Some people constantly speak words of defeat. Nothing ever works out for me. I'll never be able to change. My marriage is never going to get better. I can't do anything right. Where others speak life, and they speak truth, and they speak faith, and they speak hope, and they speak encouragement.

Eventually, your words begin shaping the direction of your thinking and of your living. We shape our words, and then our words shape us. And if you don't like the direction that your life is headed, you may need to start by changing the way that you speak. Your words will set the direction of your life. That's what scripture's teaching us here. And many of us can still remember things that were said to us years and years and years ago because words leave marks on us, don't they?

Some of you still remember a teacher who said, "You will never be able to do this with your life." Some of you still carry those words from your parents who constantly criticized you. Some of you still replay those harsh words spoken to you in anger by somebody that you love so much. Why? It's because words have influence. I remember I was at a baseball game one time, and I was listening to this father who got frustrated with his son who was playing in the game. And he said some words that were pretty harsh, and I remember this one in particular. He said, "Get your head in the game. You can't do anything right."

And what the father may have meant for motivation became a lens through which his son viewed himself for years and years and years. And I saw it play out as I spent time with this kid. I'm sure that every mistake that he made reinforced that he couldn't do anything right, that he always messed up and he never measured up to what his dad wanted. One comment, one careless moment. The tongue sets the direction for your life and it can for somebody else as well. So, never underestimate the influence that your words have on someone. Some of the greatest damage in relationships happened because of words.

But, I want to encourage you, too. The opposite of this is true, as well. One encouraging conversation can change someone's future. One "I believe in you" can restore hope. One prayer out loud over your child can shape their identity. One honest conversation or confession can actually restore a marriage. Your tongue is steering. Every day, it's steering your life. It's steering your home, it's steering your friendships, it's steering your workplace, your marriage, your children, and your spiritual life. That's why Proverbs chapter 18 in the first part of verse 21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death."

And that's exactly why James shifts from the image of a bit and a rudder to the image of a fire. So, the second reason that our words matter so much is this: my words can tear down what I've built. So, James chapter 3 in the second part of verse 5 and the first part of verse 6 says, "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire." Let's think about this for just a minute. One spark can destroy an entire forest. One careless comment can destroy trust. One angry outburst can damage a marriage. One rumor can wreck a reputation that's taken years and years and years to build. One harsh comment can wound a child for their entire lives. One lie can also destroy trust.

Words have incredible destructive power. And James says in James chapter 3 in the second part of verse 6, it corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire. In other words, words create this chain reaction. Have you ever noticed how one angry moment spreads? Somebody has a bad day at work, they come home frustrated, snaps at their spouse, and the spouse snaps at the kids, and the kids fight with each other, maybe one of them kicks the dog or the cat, and suddenly the entire house is filled with tension. We've seen this play out, but it's one spark, one fire, one careless moment. That's why Proverbs chapter 21 verse 23 says, "Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you'll stay out of trouble."

This is a powerful verse. It's one that I need to listen to. So, if you want to stay out of trouble, be careful what you say. James then gives another picture to help illustrate his point again. He starts talking about these wild animals. James chapter 3 verses 7 and 8 says, "All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human beings can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison." Human beings have trained animals. They've built zoos. They've learned to control creatures much stronger than us. Yet James says the hardest thing to control is actually the tongue.

Why? It's because the tongue is restless. And it can break loose at any moment. We have all had moments where words came out of our mouths and immediately we thought, why did I say that? Words can poison relationships. They can poison families, poison churches. The mouth has the power to destroy in just moments what took years and years and years to build. Our words can tear down what we've built. But fire, it can also be incredibly useful if it's controlled. It can provide warmth. It can provide light. It can provide protection for us.

You can walk into a room and you can completely change the atmosphere of that room with your words. A husband can come home and with one comment make his wife feel valued and loved and appreciated by saying, "You know what? I just want to thank you so much for all you do here. I couldn't do it without you." Or with a harsh comment, something like, "What have you been doing all day?" or "Why isn't dinner ready yet?" can make her feel like a complete failure. Words do not disappear. But they settle into the hearts of those that are around you. They replay them in their minds over and over and over again. They shape identity. And you can apologize for your words and you can even find forgiveness. But you can never unsay the words that you've said. Never.

That's why James is really so intense in this passage. He understands how much damage an uncontrolled tongue can cause. Every day you are either building up or you're tearing down. You're healing or you're hurting. You're speaking life or you're spreading poison. And then, the third reason that your mouth matters so much and the words that you say matter so much is that my words reveal what's happening inside me. And this is where James takes the conversation even deeper. James says that our words are not just powerful, but they're revealing. Your speech exposes what's happening inside your heart.

And James says in James chapter 3 verse 10, "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing." He says, "My brothers and sisters, this should not be." And isn't it amazing how quickly our speech can change? We can worship God on Sunday morning, and then we can speak harshly to our family in the parking lot before we even leave the church. One minute, we're encouraging somebody, and then the next minute, we're criticizing somebody else. And James says this inconsistency reveals a deeper issue.

And then, he asks in verse 11, "Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" And the answer to that question is no. The issue is always the source. So, what is feeding the spring? In this case, what is feeding the tongue? What's feeding what you say? James is teaching us that our real issue is not our mouth. But the real issue is the heart. Jesus said in Matthew chapter 12 verse 34, "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." What's on the inside eventually comes out.

A harsh tongue often reveals an angry heart. A critical tongue reveals a bitter heart. A boasting tongue reveals an insecure heart. A negative tongue reveals a fearful heart. But encouraging words reveal a grateful heart. Gentle words reveal a loving heart. Truthful words reveal an honest heart. And here's the reality. Your mouth is actually a window into your heart. And James is teaching us that our mouths are connected to our hearts. The tongue is not the root problem, but the tongue actually reveals the problem. Your words are just a symptom of something deeper that is happening inside you.

And Jesus said, "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." Whatever consistently fills your heart eventually flows out through your speech, through your attitude, through your actions, through your conversation, and even things like your expectations. We all see this in our own lives, don't we? There have been seasons in my life where I've listened to maybe a little too much country music. And after a while, my wife Megan would say it started to affect the way that I thought and even what I expected from her. And she said, "You think that I ought to be dancing on the tailgate in the back of a truck that we don't even own, wearing some cut-off jean shorts and maybe a white tank top while Luke Bryan plays in the background." And you know what? She was right.

I had built up expectations in my mind of some country music video that she couldn't meet, right? What you feed grows. And even something that seems as insignificant as listening to a little bit of country music can actually begin to shape your life and to make those around you feel like they are failing. If all you consume is social media negativity, maybe political division, crude humor with your buddies, gossip with a friend, eventually, your speech will reflect that. It will. Our words matter so much.

And if our words matter, the question becomes, how do we change the way that we speak? Because if we're honest, every one of us has failed with our words. We've all said things that we regret. We've all wounded other people, and we've all been wounded ourselves, every one of us. So, how do we break the cycle? Well, if you want to change the way that you speak, you've got to let God change your heart. The solution is deeper than behavior modification. We don't need simply a better vocabulary. God says the answer is not trying harder, but we need a transformed heart.

Ezekiel chapter 18 verse 31 says, "Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed and get a new heart and a new spirit." You can clean up your speech temporarily, but eventually, what is on the inside will come out. That's why we need Jesus so badly in our lives. Second Corinthians chapter 5 verse 17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here." Jesus changes us from the inside out. Think about how powerful that really is. The words spoken over your life do not have to define your future anymore.

If someone calls you worthless, remember that Jesus says you are valuable. Maybe somebody told you that you'd never amount to anything. But Jesus says that you are chosen and you are called. Jesus can heal what others have broken. He can. You do not have to spend the rest of your life living out of the hurt that somebody else has handed you. God can do such a deep work in your heart that instead of reproducing the pain of those spoken words that are in you, you can actually begin to speak life into other people. Why? It's because a transformed heart produces transformed speech. Jesus not only forgives our words, but he changes the source of where they come from.

The second way to change the way that we speak is this: invite God to help you daily. We cannot control our tongues in our own strength. If we could, we already would have. But that's why David prayed in Psalm chapter 141 verse 3, "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips." That's a dangerous, but it's a powerful prayer. "God, help me speak wisely today. Keep me from reacting in anger. Help my words to reflect your heart, not my own." Even after God begins to change our hearts, we still have to surrender our mouth to him every single day. Because all of us know that you can love Jesus and you can still say something dumb before breakfast.

Spiritual maturity does not mean you never struggle with your words ever again. It means you learn to depend upon God more and more and more every single day. In David's prayer, he was basically saying, "God, my mouth needs accountability." The Holy Spirit gives us power to pause before reacting, to speak gently instead of harshly, to encourage instead of criticize, and to sometimes simply stay quiet. That's why we need God's word daily. If you constantly fill your mind with anger, negativity, gossip, and criticism, eventually it will come out in your speech. But when you fill your heart with the truth, with grace, with worship, and scripture, your words will begin to change to be more like Jesus Christ.

And that daily dependence upon God naturally leads us into the next step that James gives us, and it's very simple. Think before you speak. And this is one you've probably heard before. Because when the Holy Spirit is working in your heart, one of the first things that he does and he changes is your reaction time. You stop saying the first thing that comes to your mind. You stop reacting emotionally to every situation. You begin slowing down long enough to let wisdom speak instead of your feelings.

And we learned this earlier in the series in James chapter 1 verse 19 where it says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." There's a progression there, right? Notice the order. Quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Now, most of us, we get this all jumbled up. We're quick to speak, quick to get angry, and slow to listen. But James says wise people learn to pause before they speak and to think before they speak. Because once words leave your mouth, you can never ever pull them back.

And one of the greatest spiritual disciplines is learning that not every thought deserves a microphone. Not every thought deserves to be said. Just because you think it does not mean you need to say it. Just because you feel it does not mean you need to post it. Just because you can say it, doesn't mean you should say it. And honestly, some of the biggest regrets in our lives happen because we speak too quickly. We spoke out of anger, maybe out of frustration, maybe even before we had all the facts. But, when we listen well, we speak more carefully. When we speak more carefully, we become less angry. And sometimes the most spiritual thing that you can do is to pause and just think before you respond.

Here, I want to give you just some great questions to ask yourself as you're in that process of thinking through what you're going to say. As you think about what you're going to say and speak, ask these questions. First one, is it true? Is it necessary? Is it loving? Is it helpful? Does it honor Christ? Because spirit-led words are rarely rushed words. But most of the damage that we do with our mouths happens when we speak too quickly. And James is telling us that mature believers learn to slow down long enough to let God shape their words.

So, let me ask you. What does your speech reveal about what's going on in your heart right now? What direction are your words taking your life? If somebody followed you around this week and they listened to every conversation that you had, every phone call, every argument, every comment on social media, every text message, every conversation in your home, what would they learn about the condition of your heart? Your words are shaping your home, are shaping your marriage, they're shaping your friendships, they're shaping your children.

And parents, your children will hear a thousand voices in this world telling them who they are. And so make sure that your voice is one of the loudest and that it speaks life and that it speaks truth and that it speaks the identity of Christ over your kids. Husbands and wives, your spouse shouldn't have to survive your words. Your families shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around your moods. Your coworkers shouldn't have to dread your presence because of your negativity.

Maybe today the Holy Spirit is bringing up a conversation in your mind. Maybe a text that you've sent or word that you've spoken in anger, sarcastic comment, maybe a critical spirit, the habit of gossip, pattern of negativity. And maybe today you need to apologize to someone. Maybe you need to sit down with your spouse and say, "I have not spoken to you in the way that Jesus would want me to speak to you. I'm sorry." Maybe today you need to talk to your kids and say, "You know what? I've been harsh. I've been impatient. I've been critical. That is not how Jesus would have me act as a father or as a mother. Will you forgive me?"

Because the reality is the deeper issue is not your mouth, but the deeper issue is your heart. And maybe you've been carrying around bitterness and anger and insecurity and fear, maybe even hurt for years and years and years and it keeps leaking out through your mouth. Maybe you need to surrender your heart and life to Jesus Christ and ask him to just take control of your mouth. Because guys, I want you to listen to me. The only way to truly manage your mouth is to let Jesus take control of your heart.

Would you pray with me today? God, we thank you so much for how you challenge us in your word and how you show us what the right thing to do is, even when we struggle with it and don't want to do what's right at times, even when we have something to say that we really want to get out there, but we shouldn't. But God, we're asking you to do a work in our hearts and in our lives that only you can do. We are truly incapable of being able to do this on our own. Because our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked. But when you come in and you take over our hearts, we become a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come. And you replace those evil desires with new desires to follow after you.

And it may or may not happen instantly, but God, I pray that you would continue to develop us and mature us as your followers. To go after you with everything in us and allow you to change the way we think and the way that we live to become more and more like your son, Jesus. And that can never happen if we're not in your word daily trying to know and understand who you are, your character, the way that you lived it out. And so, my prayer is that we would develop a hunger and a thirst for your word so that we can know how we are to act in the way that Jesus would act.

So, God, give us that hunger for you, to know you, to act like you, to show us the way that we need to go in your Holy Spirit. If we follow after you, your Holy Spirit lives within us and guides us. So, help us to be more in tune with the Holy Spirit in our lives. So that we can do and act and speak the way that you would desire for us to. Maybe you're here today and you're like, "I don't fully understand what you're talking about and I've never heard the voice of the Holy Spirit in my life." Well, if you haven't accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you probably have not heard the voice of the Holy Spirit. Because the Holy Spirit comes and lives in us at the moment of salvation. And you can do that today.

So, if you want to give your heart and life over to Jesus Christ, I want to give you the opportunity to do that. You can pray this prayer, but believe it in your heart and trust that God can do it. You say, "God, I have sinned and I've fallen short of your glorious standard. I've made bad decisions. I've said the wrong things many, many, many times. But God, I want to be forgiven of my sins. And I believe that you sent Jesus to this earth to live a perfect life, to die on the cross as the only one who could be the sacrifice for my sins and the sins of the world, to give us grace, a free gift that I don't deserve. And today I accept that free gift. And I believe in you and I want to follow after you with everything in me."

Guys, if you've made that decision, welcome to the family of God. It's the best decision you'll ever make. And I believe that from this point forward, as you follow after Jesus, he will truly change you from the inside out. And the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. So if our heart is full of joy and full of hope, that's what will come out of our mouths. But for all of us, God, help us to be in your word, studying, understanding who you are and what you did, so that we can become more like your son Jesus every single day and bring honor and glory to your name. God, we love you, we praise you. It's in the name of Jesus we pray, and everybody said, amen.