Highlands Fellowship - The Book of James: Relating Wisely to People

Well, hey everybody and welcome to Highlands Fellowship. I want each and every one of you to know today that I'm genuinely excited and happy that you are here with us worshiping our God, our Lord and Savior today. And God has without a doubt poured out his favor on us. And I believe that if we're willing to step up to the challenge that he gives each and every one of us individually and also as a church, that we will see disciples made, we will see our communities loved, and we will see our world changed all for the glory of God.

And today we are in week nine of our series that we've been working on, working our way through the book of James. And I don't know about you, but this series has actually been very challenging to me. It's just been so practical. It addresses so much of what we're dealing with in our everyday lives. And today's passage is really no different at all. So if you have your Bible or a Bible app, go ahead and open those up to James chapter 3. That's where we're going to be today as we continue the study of this wonderful New Testament book.

So, as you're opening your Bibles, I want to just let you know that James says that there are really two kinds of wisdom at work in our lives. There's wisdom that's from the world, and then there's wisdom that comes from God. And one produces envy, it produces selfish ambition, it produces disorder, and it produces broken relationships. The other though, it produces peace, mercy, sincerity, and righteousness. And nowhere is the difference more obvious than in the way that we relate to people.

So, let's look at James and what it says in chapter 3, beginning in verse 13 and going through verse 18. It says this, "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness."

Every single day we interact with people who think differently than we do, who communicate differently than we do, who see the world differently than we do. And there are some people that are easy to love. They encourage us, they support us, they really do bring joy into our lives. Others though, they can be a little bit more challenging, can't they? Some are a bit demanding, some are critical, some are stubborn, some are difficult to understand. And if we're honest, sometimes we are the difficult person in the relationship. And we have to understand that.

And the truth is relationships have a tremendous impact on the quality of our lives. When our relationships are healthy, life tends to be better, doesn't it? Home feels better, work feels better, church feels better. Even difficult seasons of life are more manageable when we're surrounded by healthy relationships. But when relationships aren't going well — when home isn't good, when work isn't good, when friends aren't good — life can become exhausting. You can have a successful career. You can have money in the bank. And you can even have opportunities in front of you. But if your marriage is struggling, if your family is divided, if your relationships are broken, it's hard to enjoy any of that at all. Relational conflict really has a way of draining the joy out of everything else in life. And that's why learning how to relate to people is so very important. And that's exactly what James is addressing in this particular passage.

So James gives us a powerful picture in James 3:18 where he says, "Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." And I really love the way that the New Living Translation puts it. It says, "Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness." So what James wants us to do is think like farmers. Every day in every conversation, in every relationship, we are planting seeds. When we're patient, we plant a seed. When we're critical, we plant a seed. When we encourage someone, we plant a seed. When we gossip, we plant a seed. When we forgive, we're planting a seed. When we respond in anger, we're planting a seed. And eventually, every seed produces a harvest. And the relationships that we experience tomorrow are often connected to the seeds that we're planting today.

So, the question becomes, how do we plant the right seeds? How do we become peacemakers? And how do we build healthier relationships? Well, James says it all comes back down to wisdom. Not the world's wisdom, but God's wisdom. The kind of wisdom that shapes the way that we speak, the way that we respond, the way that we forgive, the way that we listen to others, and the way that we love people. In fact, James begins this passage with a surprising definition of wisdom. He says, "Wisdom is not primarily about how much you know, but it's about how you live." Notice what he says in James 3:13: "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." What James is saying here is that wisdom is more than knowledge. It's a way of living. Wisdom has less to do with your intelligence and more to do with your relationships and your character. Wisdom is a lifestyle.

James starts with a question, "Who is wise and understanding among you?" When we hear that, I imagine that a lot of us would immediately start thinking about people that we would consider to be wise. Maybe it's someone who has multiple degrees. Or maybe it's a successful business leader. Maybe it's a professor or a doctor or somebody who's just really really smart. But James would probably surprise us because he doesn't ask us to show him our resumes, right? He doesn't look at our GPA. He doesn't look at how many books we've read or how many Bible studies we've attended or how many followers we have on our social media. He simply says, "Show me your life." In other words, James says that wisdom is not proven by what you know, but wisdom is proven by how you live.

But James doesn't just tell us what wisdom looks like. He also tells us what happens when wisdom is missing. And here's the second truth that we learn from this passage: a lack of wisdom creates conflict and confusion. Look at what James says in James chapter 3, verses 14 through 16: "But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." James says that a lack of wisdom creates disorder. And the word disorder means confusion. It means instability. It means turmoil and chaos.

Have you ever had a season where it felt like everything was just harder than it needed to be? Like tension at home, conflict at work, frustration in your relationships, constant drama, constant misunderstandings. Well, James says that often those things are symptoms of a deeper issue. They actually reveal that we're operating according to the world's wisdom instead of God's wisdom. And the good news is that God doesn't leave us guessing about what wisdom really looks like.

So in verse 17, James gives us a picture of wisdom from above — wisdom from heaven. And he essentially says, if you want to know whether God's wisdom is shaping your life or the world's wisdom is shaping your life, here's what you need to look for. James 3:17 says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere." So James hands us basically this wisdom test — not a test of intelligence, not a test of our education, but a test of how we relate to people. If God's wisdom is truly at work in our lives, it will show up in the way that we treat other people.

So let's walk through these characteristics together and ask an honest question. Am I relating to people with wisdom from above or am I operating according to the wisdom of the world? How do we relate wisely to people?

Well, first of all, if I'm wise, I'll live with integrity. James 3:17 says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure." That word pure means clean, uncorrupted, authentic. We've been talking about authenticity in our faith lived out daily. It's authentic, something that isn't mixed or has hidden motives or other agendas along with it. It's the idea of being real, not divided, not two-faced. And at its core, that's what integrity is — being the same person no matter where you are or who you happen to be with. Because all of us know how easy it is to drift into different versions of ourselves. There's the version that we show at church, and then there's the version that we show at work, and then there's the version that we show whenever we're trying to impress someone. And James would say wisdom doesn't look like that. Wisdom produces consistency because relationships don't thrive on image, but they thrive on trust. And if people can't trust your words, then I'm telling you, they will not trust your heart. And if there's no trust, then there's really no relationship.

And that's why integrity matters so much. It means I don't manipulate people to get my way. I don't stretch the truth to protect myself. I don't say one thing to one person and then say something different to somebody else. I don't build relationships on half-truths or hidden motives. I just live honestly and with integrity. Proverbs 10:9 says, "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely." And I think that's a powerful picture. Security — that's a big deal. Because when you're living with integrity, you don't have to constantly be looking over your shoulder. You don't have to remember what you've said to this person or to that person. You don't have to manage a version of yourself for every different situation. You can just be at peace.

But the second half of that verse there's a warning. It says, "But whoever takes crooked paths will be found out." Eventually, inconsistencies will catch up with us. And most of us, we've seen this play out. A relationship strained because of something that wasn't true, a friendship that was damaged because of mixed messages, a marriage weakened because honesty wasn't the foundation. So James starts here on purpose. If I'm wise, I'll be the same person in every space, with every person, and in every single conversation. So if I'm wise, I'm going to live with integrity.

Second is this: if I'm wise, I won't escalate conflict. Wise people aren't always looking for a fight. They aren't the kind of people that are out there stirring things up just for the sake of tension and pushing every conversation into an argument. James 3:17 says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peaceloving." In other words, wisdom leans toward peace. It doesn't live in conflict and it doesn't feed on drama. It doesn't escalate every disagreement into a fight.

Have you ever known somebody who seems to argue about absolutely everything? It doesn't matter what you say — they're always ready to disagree, always ready to correct you, always ready to push back. I heard about this one guy who was so argumentative that he would only eat food that disagreed with his stomach. And that's kind of funny, but we all recognize people like this. Some people just seem to live on conflict. But James says that is not wisdom. Proverbs 20:3 says, "Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor. Only fools insist on quarreling." Now, James isn't saying wise people never deal with conflict. He's saying that they don't create unnecessary conflict and they don't escalate what could be handled with grace and care.

And sometimes wisdom is simply knowing this: not everything deserves a reaction. Not every disagreement needs to become a debate. Not every irritation needs to become an argument. Not every offense needs to be magnified. Mature people learn to let things go, to extend grace and to protect the peace in their relationships. And that's not weakness. That's wisdom. Wisdom is knowing when to speak and when to stay quiet and when something is just simply not worth fighting over. Proverbs 14:29 says, "People with understanding control their anger. A hot temper shows great foolishness." And most of us can testify to that, right? We've all said things in anger that we wish we could take back. We've done things in frustration that we've later regretted. And anger doesn't just escalate problems — it actually creates new problems that then we have to deal with.

So, if I'm wise, I'm going to live with integrity. I won't escalate conflict because wisdom is peaceloving. And then the third characteristic of a wise person is this: if I'm wise, I'll handle people with care. The next word James uses in James 3:17 is the word considerate. "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peaceloving, considerate." Wisdom is considerate. That means it pays attention. It notices. It's mindful of the feelings of other people.

And one of the most common mistakes I think we make in relationships is this: if I don't feel what you feel, I assume that your feelings must be wrong. We tend to label them as overreacting or irrational, or not that serious depending upon what the reactions are. But James says that's not wisdom. Wisdom doesn't dismiss people. It doesn't minimize people. Wisdom doesn't make somebody feel small for feeling something so deeply, maybe even in a different way than you do. It doesn't mean you have to agree with every emotion that somebody has, but it does mean that you take people seriously and try to be considerate of them. Proverbs 15:4 says, "Gentle words are a tree of life. A deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." And most of us have been on both sides of that. We've had moments where someone's words made us feel understood and strengthened. And we've had moments where someone's words have made us feel small, dismissed, unheard, or unloved.

And a lot of damage in relationships doesn't necessarily come from what was said, but maybe how quickly it was said and how little care was taken in actually saying it. Wisdom slows down. Wisdom listens. Wisdom pays attention before it responds because wisdom is considerate. And that leads us to the next word that James uses in James chapter 3:17: "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peaceloving, considerate, and then the word submissive." And this word submissive is actually a unique word in the New Testament. It doesn't mean submissive in the way that we would normally think of it. It carries the idea of being reasonable, willing to listen, open to discussion, and open to being corrected. That's why some translations say things like "open to reason" or "allows discussion." In other words, wisdom doesn't walk into every conversation already decided — but it listens, it considers, it stays open.

So our fourth characteristic is this: if I'm wise, I'll stay teachable. Proverbs 12:15 says, "The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice." And let's be honest, that's harder than it sounds, right? Because most of us don't always naturally wake up thinking, I'd really love for somebody to correct me today. In fact, most people only enjoy advice when they're the ones giving it. I heard about this guy that once said, "I love advice. I just prefer it when it comes from me." And I can relate to this. And that's exactly the tension that James is dealing with in this passage. Wisdom says that I might not have the full picture. I might need to listen a little bit more. I might need to learn something from somebody else. But if I'm wise, I won't just be considerate of your feelings — I'll stay teachable in every conversation.

James then goes on to say in James chapter 3:17 that wisdom from above is full of mercy and good fruit. So wisdom doesn't just see people for what they've done wrong. It chooses how to respond to what they've done wrong. And here's where this gets really real in relationships. It's number five, and that is if I'm wise, I won't keep rehearsing your failures.

Most relational damage doesn't just come from what happened in a moment. It comes from what takes place when we replay it over and over again after that moment. We replay the words. We replay the arguments. We replay the bad choices that someone made. We replay the disappointment. We replay the hurt that it caused us. And the more we rehearse it, the heavier it becomes. And eventually we stop relating to the real person that's right in front of us. And we start relating to the version of them that lives in our memory of what they did wrong.

Proverbs 17:9 says, "Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." And that word separates is important. It isn't just an irritation that it creates — but it creates distance. Rehearsing a failure doesn't just keep a record, it ends up building a wall between you and them. And over time you stop assuming the best. You stop giving grace. You stop believing that change is possible. And slowly emotional distance begins to grow between you and the person that you used to be close to.

James 2:12 says, "Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom." In other words, people who understand grace don't hold others hostage to their past. They live in the freedom that God gives them and then they also extend that freedom to others. But bitterness works in the opposite direction. Hebrews 12:15 warns us: "See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Bitterness doesn't stay small — it grows and it grows roots and over time it begins to affect how we think, how we speak, and how we treat other people.

And if we're honest, most of us have experienced this. Many relationships don't end because of one big moment. They're weakened because of hundreds of small moments where failure was kept alive instead of releasing it. But wisdom from above doesn't rehearse failure. It extends the mercy of God. Because most relationships can survive a moment of failure, but very few relationships can survive a lifetime of replaying that failure over and over and over again. Wisdom says, "I'm not going to keep bringing that up. I'm not going to keep reliving it. I'm going to choose mercy instead."

And finally, James moves into the last characteristic of wisdom. He says in James 3:17, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is impartial and sincere." Wisdom doesn't play favorites. And it doesn't put on a mask. It doesn't pretend to be something that it's not. It's not fake. It's not divided. It's not one thing on Sunday and then something different on Monday. So, the final characteristic of wisdom that we're going to be looking at today is this: if I'm wise, I'll be honest about my own struggles.

Because here's what happens in relationships. When we aren't honest, we start projecting. We point out everyone else's issues and everyone else's failures while quietly ignoring our own. We become selective in our honesty. We exaggerate other people's faults and we minimize ours. But wisdom brings humility back into the room. Proverbs 28:13 says, "Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy." That means hiding doesn't actually heal anything. Pretending doesn't fix anything. Covering it up does not make it go away. It just delays the healing and really deepens the damage.

And again, some of the most damaged relationships that are in our lives aren't broken because of these big moments, but they're strained because of an unspoken thing, an unconfessed sin, an unaddressed struggle that slowly builds walls between people over time. But James gives us a better way. He says, "Wisdom is not just what we know, but it's how we live. It's how we speak. It's how we respond to people. It's how we treat others."

And at the very end of it all, James brings us here to James chapter 3, verse 18. Here's what he says: "Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." Notice he doesn't say peacekeepers. He says peacemakers. And there's a difference. A peacekeeper avoids conflict at all costs. They stay quiet just to keep things calm. They bury issues. They smooth things over on the surface even when something deeper is still broken underneath. But peacemakers — that's different. A peacemaker doesn't ignore the tension, but they work through it in a very healthy way. A peacemaker doesn't pretend that everything's fine, but they pursue what is right. A peacemaker is willing to have the hard conversations, but they do it with humility, with truth, and with grace. Peacekeepers avoid conflict. Peacemakers build peace.

And that really brings us full circle to what James has been doing all along in this passage. He's not just giving us information about wisdom — he's holding up a mirror for us. He's giving us a kind of wisdom test, not to shame us, but to show us where we're growing and where we still need God's work in our lives. Because at the end of the day, wisdom isn't something that we just claim. It's something that gets proven in the way that we live, in the way that we speak, in the way that we respond, and in the way that we relate to other people.

So, as we step back from James chapter 3:13-18, specifically verses 17 and 18, the question becomes pretty simple. When we line our lives up against what wisdom from above actually looks like, the question is: how did we do? How did you do? Not on the knowledge test, but on the wisdom test. James says, "Wisdom is not proven by what we say we believe, but by how we actually live — how we treat people, how we respond when we're irritated, how we handle conflict, how we speak when we're frustrated, how we carry ourselves in relationships when life gets complicated."

And if we're honest, none of us walk away from this passage saying, "I've mastered that." We all have work to do. We all see places where we've been unwise. Moments where we've escalated instead of de-escalated. Times where we've been more defensive than teachable. Seasons where our words were not peacemaking but actually created tension. Moments where we held on to offenses instead of extending the mercy that God desires for us to. Times where we weren't honest or we weren't gentle or we weren't pure in our motives.

But here's the good news James is pointing us toward: wisdom is not just something we produce. It's something that God grows in us. That's absolutely amazing. That's why James doesn't just leave us with a standard but points us to a source. Wisdom from above is different. It's not natural. It's not automatic. But it comes from God shaping our hearts. And when God shapes the heart, he reshapes everything that flows from it as well. Our words, our reactions, our relationships, and even our ability to make peace where there used to be conflict.

So maybe the most important question isn't just how do we score on a wisdom test. Maybe it's this: Am I willing? Am I willing to let God keep shaping me into somebody who lives out an authentic faith daily? Am I willing? Because James says the result of that kind of life is not chaos, not confusion, not conflict, but a harvest. A harvest of righteousness, a harvest of peace, a harvest of healthy relationships. And peacemakers who sow in peace will reap that harvest. So let's be people like that.

Would you pray with me today? God, we thank you so much for the challenge of being a wise person — not just wise in the world's eyes, but wise in your eyes, God. We want wisdom from above. And what you teach us in your word through James is that this wisdom is not just about knowledge, but it's about how we live. And I do pray that you would truly change the way that we speak, the way that we act, the way that we relate to people. Help us to pause and think about what it is you desire for us to do in any interaction and in any circumstance, because we desire to be wise people. We want our lives to look like your Son, Jesus Christ. And so God, continue to work in our hearts, continue to work in our lives, so that as we continue to grow, our lives would change and that we would live out this authentic faith daily in our lives.

Maybe you're here today and you're like, you know what, I don't have faith. I've never given my heart and life over to Jesus Christ. But today, I'm starting to see that I need my life to change. I've tried it every other way, but I can't fix my issues. I've got chaos. I've got conflict. And I've tried to work with the world's wisdom, but it just doesn't work. And we've all been there. We've all tried to do things with the world's wisdom, and eventually we find that nothing good's going to come out of it. But if we live a life that pursues the Lord, follows after Jesus Christ, we will see the good fruit that comes from it.

Maybe you've seen that today and you want your life to change in a significant way. Well, I believe the only way that your life can change — from your words to your actions — is by having your heart change. And you can't do that on your own. You have to give it over to Jesus Christ. So give your heart and life over to him today. You can pray this prayer. Believe it in your heart. Trust in the Lord that he can save you. Say, "God, I believe that you sent your Son Jesus to this earth to live a perfect life so that he could be the sacrifice for my sins and the sins of the world on the cross, and that he was buried and raised again the third day, defeating death, hell, sin, and the grave. And because of that, we can live in victory. We can live in freedom from our sins and we can follow after you. And so God, I follow after you today with everything in me as much as I know how. I want to keep growing. I want to keep learning. I give my heart and life over to you."

If you've prayed that prayer and you've believed it in your heart, welcome to the family of God. And I do believe that you will see change — and it will be significant change — as you seek after the Lord, planting those seeds of wisdom. And you will have peace. And the Lord will see you as righteous in his eyes. Not because of what you do, but because of what's been done by Jesus. And because you are in Christ, you are a new creation. God, we thank you so much for what you're doing in us. And as we read your word and as we get to know you more and more each and every day, my prayer is that our actions would show it and that our faith would be authentic — that it would truly be lived out every single moment of our lives. God, we love you. We praise you. It's in Jesus' name we pray. And everybody said, Amen.