well hey everybody man I'm so excited to be back with you today Highlands and let me just welcome all of our locations
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those of you that watch on TV and online every week we're so thankful for you and
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I know today is Super Bowl Sunday I'm sure you got plans and all these kind of things looking for a big win but today
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I've been praying about the message and I pray today this message would be a big win for your family Pastor Tim asked me
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to share a message on family relationships so I want to challenge you a little bit because I love you uh to be
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the family that God's designed you to be uh many of you know that for the last several months I've been up at Damascus
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and Taylor's Valley and sort of helping all those Folks up there when the flood
0:46
came through uh to repair and rebuild their home matter of fact today in our
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Avenue location we have the Amish community that have been coming and
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serving and giving all their labor free for us could you just give them a hand wherever you are and just welcome them
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because they're an amazing group of people and uh what was really interesting to me I I was one of the few
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people that got to go in right after the flood in Damascus and um the water had
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receded of course and I'm looking at all these homes and I've seen pictures before on the internet where uh you know
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uh floodwaters just went into all these homes down in Damascus and Taylor's Valley and and a few days later when I'm
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looking at the outside of these houses they look okay I I mean actually you
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probably wouldn't have even noticed when you looked at all these houses that were downtown in Damascus that they had had a
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flood in some ways because the hedges were still in place the windows were
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actually still clean but when you open the door of one of these houses I mean
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it was disaster most of them had a foot to two feet of mud all through the house
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and I thought isn't that interesting on the outside of these houses everything
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looked great everything looked in order everything looked in place but then when
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you open the door you begin to I mean your heart just broke for these people
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because their home their house was disaster I thought about that a lot
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since those days I've been working up into us and I thought what about your house today what about your home people
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drive by and man on the outside they look over there that family there they got it all together I mean everything's
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in place yard's good Hedges are trimmed everything looks painted and well-kept
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but what about the inside of your house what about the inside of your home how's
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your family today you know I remember when Brendon and I when we got married
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uh we we didn't have any money and you know we're just living on love that's what it goes when you get married right and we had rented this little house for
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a few years but Brenda wanted a house you know she wanted to build a house and
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so uh we got all these house plans and we would one of the things we would do is we we couldn't really go out and eat
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we didn't have money for that we couldn't go to the movie so we would drive through neighborhoods and she
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would look at houses that she liked and then we'd look at these building plans
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and I still remember to this day we were over in Abington and we drove through a little neighborhood and we saw this
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country house and she said that that's the one that's the one I want we were going to build a house sort of out on
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our farm and man I I remember we got some plans together we got the contractor and we were so excited but we
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were scared to death at the same time and you know as as you drive through all
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the neighborhoods that we have in our areas here around our locations you see
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all kinds of houses that have been built and they're still being built big houses on beautiful Lots with the finest of
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building materials I mean people spend lots of money on their houses we want to
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get the best contractor we want to get the best supplies we can get to build our house and here is what I've learned
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in America this is very true I have determined that in America we have mastered the art of building houses but
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we have failed miserably at Building Homes I mean honestly guys we're failing
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miserably at turning our expensive houses into homes now we're much better
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at building houses than we are at Building Homes and this is really the
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inspiration for my message today as we think about family Dynamics and family
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relationships and when you think about your home and your family I I want us to
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look at sort of what's been happen in to the American family over the last 30
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years and my message today sort of comes from talking to families over and over
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and over that have to go down the path of divorce or to parents who have
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wavered kids who broke their hearts or kids that really want to be with parents
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but the parents are too busy for them and all the things that that causes are families that have just been Shattered
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by hurts and habits and Hang-Ups when you look at the landscape of the
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American Family matter of fact there's a lot of research on this now over the last 30 years uh one of the trusted data
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research places is Pew research and let me give you a few numbers this is what they're saying single parent homes have
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increased 50% think about this one 33% of all
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elementary age school children now live in a single parent home onethird of all
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of our elementary school kids births outside of marriage are increasing 31%
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of children younger than six experienced a major change in their family structure
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mainly divorce teen suicides have actually tripled in the
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last eight years divorce rates continue to rise and we can go on and on but
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because you're here today I you know I don't want to depress you too much but I just want to share a few things like
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that because the numbers they're not good and when I look at this data these
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numbers represent hopes and lives and
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Futures statistics tell us that if we continue to dismantle the American family like we have in the past 30 years
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we're headed for the demise of the family Union which I think is exactly what the enemy wants you know we're
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building all kinds of houses but our homes at the same time are being
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dismantled so this weekend I want you to think about this uh illustration all right we'll come back to it but I want I
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want you to get this now I grew up watching Andy Griffith Show I love The Andy Griffith Show I still watch Andy Griffith Show for all you young folks
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out there you probably haven't seen it but I would say go find it watch a few
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episodes and uh in the day and I'm old enough to remember this this is an illustration I want you to picture in
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your mind I want you to picture in your mind a full service gas station now on Andy Griffith Show
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goober on the full service gas station and think about this young people when you'd actually drive up to get gas for
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your car goober would run out or the attendant would run out and he would put
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gas in your car for you and while he's doing that all these other things he would check to be sure your car is safe
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for the drive ahead that's actually that's actually the way you used to get gas I can remember doing this and paying
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for gas 37 cents a gallon now you I I get it I'm old but uh for those of you
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who' never had that experience I want to show you a little video just so you can sort of get this in your mind of a gas
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station back in the day and this was their training manual their training
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series on how they train their attendance to wait on customers when they came up to get gas watch this quick
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little video here it's pretty cool let's see this routine in
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action greeting the customer is your first opportunity to make sales good morning Mr Thomas may I fill
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your tank with skele cutane yes please clean uniform friendly greeting
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and he asked for the biggest order of the most profitable gasoline he sells kotane will perform for this user and
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help make him a steady customer at the Skelly [Music]
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station this man uses the sponge and shammy as sales reminders their purpose
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is to remind him as he picks up the wiper blades to clean under them to feel and look at those
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blades if they're torn or cracked he has a potential sail in his
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hands they also remind him that seal beams and tail lights burn out and need
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replacing and here's another sales tool he uses the Skelly clean as a whistle
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vacuum this sales tool is really an invitation for the customer to step out and look at the merchandise on display
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and an opportunity for the salesman to look inside the car to read the door jam sticker and
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compare it to the mileage on the speedometer so that he will know whether or not this car needs an oil change
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before he looks under the hood he gets under the hood without
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asking and he remembers to get the customer's permission before removing the pressure C
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[Music] the booklet tells when to do it and when it can be dangerous and the train
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driveway salesman remembers that he has sales aids for use under the hood
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too the dipstick battery
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testers the hydrometer all of these sales AIDS help him to find the need and
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to demonstrate it to the customer [Music] above all he uses the two best tools he
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has his eyes and His Hands it takes only moments to look to
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feel to [Music] inspect all it takes is a close look one
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KNE discovered and he has taken the big step toward turning a routine service into a profitable sales
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[Music] opportunity can you believe that I me
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that's how it used to be when you get gas you the attendant would run out you don't have oil all over him I mean he's Sharp Dressed he checks everything it's
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pretty cool that he is actually not only giving you gas for your car but he's checking everything else so it's all
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smooth and it's all ready for the road trip ahead so I want you to think about
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that all right I want you to keep that illustration in your mind because I want you to think about your home as a full
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service gas station all right I want you to think about that now time out let's go back let's look at some scripture
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today it's interesting when God began his creative work that when he was
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creating our solar system and he was creating of course the water and the land and the trees and all this creation
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attempt was leading up to the creation of the human race and the Bible tells us
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that Adam and Eve were created and God makes it clear that the family was to be the most basic sociological structure in
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the new world let's look at this back in Genesis right from the beginning Chapter 2 Verse 18 it's what it says then the
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Lord God said it's not good for man to be alone I will make a helper who is
12:14
just right for him then in verse 21 so the Lord God caused the man to fall into
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a deep sleep and while the man slept the Lord God took out one of man's ribs and
12:26
closed up the opening and then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and he
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brought her to man and the translation says that Adam says at last I think a
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better translation was he said oh wow you know something like that anyway at last Adam says and he says this one is
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bone from my bone flesh from my flesh she'll be called woman because she was
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taken from man and this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is
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joined to his wife and the two are united into one nothing else could
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compare in the Old Testament with the priority of the family and all through
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the Bible God underscores the importance of the family unit if you go over to the
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New Testament let's look in Ephesians where Pastor Tim's been teaching he'll hit here in a couple of weeks look in
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Ephesians 6 this what it says children obey your parents because you belong to
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the Lord this is the right thing thing to do honor your father and mother this is the first commandment with the
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promise if you honor father and mother things go well for you and you'll have a long life on the earth fathers do not
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provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them rather bring them up
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in the discipline and the instruction that comes from the Lord so we have
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instruction from scripture for husbands and wives and children now you're
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thinking well all right what in the world does this have to do with a full service gas station well this is what it
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has to do with it all throughout God's word he makes it clear that the fuel
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that energizes the family unit is the love of God it's God's love not the
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surface kind of love you see on all these crazy shows on TV today but the fuel for an effective family God says is
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love which brings commitment and tenderness and loyalty and humility and openness and devotion I mean the love
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the marriage love the marital love sets a tone for the whole family parental love sets atone for the children and the
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children are actually responding in love when you obey your parents and guys when
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love is flowing through a family a house becomes a home and the family becomes a
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refuge and this if you study all the things is happening in our culture today
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this is what the whole world is looking for so if lovees the fuel we got to be
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on guard as a family separates you know how it is in your life just like it is in our family we go out into the world
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we go our own way every day we go out into the jungle this place called the world and the world system drains us
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wears us out because the world offers no true love to us so what happens well
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we're we're wore down when we get in the evening and everybody comes home kids from school parents from work and
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everybody comes home and guess guess how much fuel we got in our tank it's all empty isn't it our fuel has been drained
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from the world in which we're called to go out and live and each family member
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comes home and needs to be refueled with love when they get home dad he may not
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think so but he needs refueled mom she needs it and the kids desperately need it the family is not going to function
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until each one of us gets refueled but the question is this if all the family
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members are in line to get filled up we all need to get refueled when we get into the evening then who's going to
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fill the tanks I mean this is a great question right whose job is it to fill the tanks of the family members I mean
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who's the attendant at home that's going to run out and fill up everybody's tank
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well you know it's just not mom who is singlehandedly supposed to run out fill
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up everybody's tank and nobody thinks it's Dad's responsibility right I mean he's supposed to come home and bring the
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paycheck kick back in his easy chair and watch ESPN and of course the kids I mean
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that couldn't be their responsibility I mean they don't have any responsibility anyway so who is the attendant that's
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going to come out when everybody in the family has come home drained to refuel
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the tank what do the Bible say the scripture would suggest that each family
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member is a combination customer and attendant to begin fing the tanks with
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love that's right the job is for each family member husbands you need to put
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on the attendance uniform and refuel and refill the emotional tanks of your wife
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she's got a need that the husband alone can meet and if he doesn't meet it goes unmet the wife also has responsibility
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of putting on the attendance uniform uniform and go out and refuel and refill the needs of her husband and if his need
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goes unmet then he looks for something else to fill that need then the Bible
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teaches that we as parents are to put on the attendance uniform and we are to run
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out side by side and we're to refill the tanks of our kids who need it so bad in
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the culture in which they live and if they don't get it for us if they don't get it from the parents you know what uh
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they're going to go for the SEC second cousin of love and that's attenion they'll get it somewhere and then the
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Bible says that children you're not off the hook either you are to honor and
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respect and encourage and in a way refill your parents' t
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because truth is parents are people too so you see every member of the family is
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both an attendant and a customer at the Home full service station now if only
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more of the family members would be willing to Pump Fuel into each other's
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tanks instead of just everybody lining up at the pump you know how it goes honking the horn impatiently man in
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service I want to promise you guys if You' be willing to put on the attendance
19:04
uniform the whole nature of the family would change it's a challenge it's a
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challenging season in which all of us live but it's the challenge of getting the family to work together and to
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assume responsibility for each other each family member has the ability to
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leave an effective mark on the family if he or she will only suit up in the
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attendance uniform could you imagine what a difference this would make so how do you fill up other family members how
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what are we to do to fill up other family if we get it and we're willing to say yeah you probably got a point there
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well how do we do it I want to give you three things all right I going to give you three things today real simple I
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want to encourage you as you refuel other family members tanks to do it with
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a word a look and a touch with a word a look and a
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touch now when you think about these three little simple things if you just
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give a look and you give a loving word and a positive touch into the members of
20:20
your family I want to promise you it will pump gallons of necessary fuel into
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those other family members so let's break it down real quick all right I want to share a few things with you most
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of us are not aware of how a a look can
20:38
be so amazing in in our relationships with others and we just don't get it now
20:44
we get if looks could kill right I mean we've seen that I I got to tell you this story and I've shared it before but it's
20:49
too good to not pass this is perfect for this illustration used two years ago we had a service at our Bristol campus on
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Saturday night and I love that service and I remember one Saturday night I'm headed down there I've got the kids
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Brenda couldn't go and so I got all the kids with me we're late as we usually were and I'm driving down interstate
21:09
I've never been a good driver I'm like a maniac I'm going weaving here and as we get down to exit uh that was exit 5 at
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the time and I'm get I'm getting ready to to turn off and I cut right in front
21:22
I almost hit another car and the kids are like Dad you almost hit another car
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well this this uh lady that I pass she passes me back really quick and she
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rolls down the window and she tells me that I'm number one I mean she I she you
21:40
know she really loved me that day you know well uh as she passed me I couldn't help but notice sh have's Fellowship
21:48
sticker on her window and I thought it's too good to pass up right here so I run
21:53
beside her and pass her again and I see her she looks over at me if looks could
21:59
kill I mean she could kill me and then she realizes that's my pastor and all of
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a sudden looks to kill became looks of love and I laughed and I waved at her
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but I you it's something I will cherish for the rest of my life that story I I just thought so many times in our life a
22:20
Look of Love can make a huge difference you know a look is really sort of the
22:27
window of our soul soul and why don't we look into each other's eyes more often
22:32
and try to communicate love with each other I mean parents when you get in from work and and you kick back and what
22:40
do we do most time we pick up the phone or we turn on the TV or we get the iPad out kids come home they begin to tell
22:47
you about trivial things about their day we don't really want to hear about their day but what would happen if you put
22:54
your phone down cut the TV off and even stupid Stu things they want to share
22:59
with you you said hey tell me all about your day I want to hear all about your
23:05
day today let me know what happened in your day man that would change it wouldn't it those of you that are here
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uh let me challenge all of our locations if you sitting beside your husband or wife or you're sitting beside one of
23:19
your kids or Just Friends sitting with you how about don't look at me just for a second but just look over in their
23:27
eyes not come on all you still looking at me all right look look over in their
23:32
it sort of freaks you out doesn't it I mean we we just don't do this very often
23:37
in the culture in which we live but when you begin to do that a Look of Love can
23:43
refill the tank here's second thing a word a positive word or word of love can
23:50
really refill our tanks kids if you want to refill your parents tank uh let me
23:57
tell you how to do it four words I love you dad I love you Mom I G tell you I
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can take my tank from empty to full you know just remember that a feeling of
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love and this idea of a word of love and it just it can change a whole dynamic
24:21
and I would just encourage you make a decision to fill the tanks of your family by speaking kind words to them I
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revolutionize your family if we just discipline ourselves to say kind words
24:35
to each other I think our houses would become homes you know used to we would
24:43
talk when we were think about having kids and and uh we would think wouldn't it be neat if you could custom design your kids you ever thought about this I
24:49
don't know probably not but I do and and I remember when we had Martha and then we were fortunate we adopted this this
24:56
this works better for girls and guys but um I got five kids in case some of you don't know me and uh we had two we
25:03
called homemade and then we have three we call Heart mid we adopted three we adopted B and Timmy from Ethiopia and we
25:09
adopted Chris from the local DSS system and uh I can remember vividly one of the
25:15
things when I would see Martha or I would see Bella and they had had a hard
25:21
day it's when they were kids you know and I said well come over here and let's talk about it and they' tell me a little
25:28
a little bit about their day and then i' I'd put Martha on my lap and I said Martha you know what if I was looking
25:34
for a little girl all over the world you know I I would pick a little girl that's
25:40
got a nose just like yours i' I'd pick a little girl that's got ears that look
25:46
just like yours why pick a little girl that's got a smile just like your smile
25:51
I do same thing with Bella you know and you could just tell the world sort of crushed in on them that day and as I
25:57
began to point out feat about them that frown sort of turned into a smile and
26:03
then I would sort of say you know what if I could pick any girl all over the world man I'd pick you and that was a
26:12
way just through a word of kindness to
26:17
refuel an entire kid's tank so I think we have opportunities like that because
26:24
when we come in the end of the day man our tanks are empty and give you one more dad this one's for you a touch a
26:31
physical touch can also fill an empty tank I mean just a 10 second Embrace can
26:38
really feel an empty tank I don't know if it's possible to overemphasize the power for loving touch but it's a
26:45
powerful Communicator just a a quick hug or maybe a a tap on the shoulder a high
26:52
five I used to give Timmy high fives all the time can fill up an empty tank
26:58
and the reason I sort of pick on you dads is because statistics show that actually dads show physical loving
27:05
expression through touch one six as often as moms do every customer
27:13
attendant is responsible for filling the tanks of the other family members so let
27:20
me close with this several years ago I was invited to a conference and uh one
27:25
of the reasons I wanted to go is because I'd read this book halftime the guy who wrote it was Bob Buford and his wife
27:32
Linda and they were being interviewed in this conference I was at by James Dobson
27:38
focus on the family and uh if you don't know their story this book's still in
27:43
print I would encourage you to get it it's an amazing book made a huge impact on my life and the tragedy that Bob and
27:52
Linda suffered their only son Ross he was um a young adult
27:59
already graduated from college and in his first job and he tried with a couple
28:04
of his buddies to swim across the Rio Grand River and he didn't make it and he
28:11
drowned tragically in the Rio Grand and I am hearing this testimony of
28:17
Bob and Linda who had just lost their only son with uh James asking some questions
28:23
and the grief in the room I mean the grief was still fresh for them
28:29
and Bob and his wife Linda they were you know answering these questions the best they could and Jim asked Linda this
28:37
question and he said Linda how did you cope with this agonizing loss of your
28:43
only son and I'll I'll never forget this and she said well Jim I can cope for two
28:50
reasons one Ross was a Christian so I know that I will see him
28:57
again one day and that is the hope that we have secondly I can cope because I
29:05
don't have any regrets with the way that I raised and
29:11
loved my son no regrets man I I remember hearing that
29:16
testimony that was when even Martha my oldest was still young and I heard her say that and it
29:23
pierced my heart I mean I thought that saying expresses
29:29
exactly the desire of my heart as a family member you know what I've learned
29:36
after all these years there's no guarantees what's going to happen to your spouse or your
29:42
kids but I want no regrets don't you I don't want to do
29:49
anything that would cause me to have a regret if God chose to take one of my
29:56
family members home [Music] I don't want to have a feeling that went unexpressed or a promise that was
30:03
unkempt or a commitment that was unfulfilled so let me ask you as we
30:08
finish up today any regrets in the room today any regrets in our campuses any
30:16
regrets with you as a family member if so I I want to give you a little
30:22
homework and I know you got big plans for the big game and all that but I just I just want to give you a little
30:28
homework kids you if you if you're a child or a teenager in the house today I
30:34
want before the day is over for you to actually communicate
30:40
verbally a word of love to every other member of your family mom you or wife if
30:49
you're here today before you go to bed tonight I want you to communicate a look
30:55
of love to every person in your family and Dad I give you a
31:02
little Grace for the week's over all right I'd like for you to communicate Just a Touch of Love a hug or a high
31:11
five to every member of your family because the truth is today for our
31:17
church to be the church that Pastor Tim desires for it to be and you desire it
31:22
to be our families have to be strong and I believe there's no greater attack in
31:28
our culture today than on the family unit but Church let's rally together and
31:35
let's put on the attendance uniform not only are you an customer but we're an
31:41
attendant and may we give a word and a touch may we be able to just Express
31:47
these feelings of love to refuel our family members tanks every day hey would
31:52
you pray with me let's pray father I thank you so much for just your word today a simple message message about
31:58
family relationships and I pray today that we would live in our families with
32:04
no regrets that we would see this is a gift that God has given us for how many
32:10
days we do not know but Lord I pray that we would cherish the time we have
32:16
husbands and wives cherish that time parents cherish That season you
32:23
have with your kids sure there's crazy things that happen all the time cherish those moments kids grow up so
32:31
quick and I pray for our church today that this would be a place for families
32:38
that we would see it as our refuge we could come to this place we could hear your word taught we could be
32:44
strengthened we could find accountability I thank you for our pastor today that he teaches straight
32:50
from the word of God and that is the best fuel we can have for our
32:56
family if you're here today and you've never trusted in Jesus Christ I know I've spoken to the family but hey that's
33:03
a regret I don't want you to have any regrets and I would ask you if you if
33:09
you love your family the greatest gift you could ever give to your family is to
33:14
put Jesus Christ first and foremost in your life and so if you're here today
33:19
and you'd like to trust Jesus it's just as simple as ABC just admit that you're a sinner just say Jesus I've sinned I'm
33:27
not perfect believe that Jesus died for you on the cross and became the payment for your
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sin and confess with your mouth that Jesus can save you and will save you if
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you make a decision like that by all means let us know we want to come alongside you and help you through it we
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love you today we love the families that are here today we love single moms raising kids today we love all of you
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that have had difficulties in your family we love you this is a safe place
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for all to come and to hear the love of Our Savior Jesus Christ it's a reason we
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call Highland's home we love you today Lord thank you for loving us in Christ's name amen