Family Relationships

well hey everybody man I'm so excited to be back with you today Highlands and let me just welcome all of our locations 0:06 those of you that watch on TV and online every week we're so thankful for you and 0:11 I know today is Super Bowl Sunday I'm sure you got plans and all these kind of things looking for a big win but today 0:19 I've been praying about the message and I pray today this message would be a big win for your family Pastor Tim asked me 0:26 to share a message on family relationships so I want to challenge you a little bit because I love you uh to be 0:33 the family that God's designed you to be uh many of you know that for the last several months I've been up at Damascus 0:40 and Taylor's Valley and sort of helping all those Folks up there when the flood 0:46 came through uh to repair and rebuild their home matter of fact today in our 0:51 Avenue location we have the Amish community that have been coming and 0:56 serving and giving all their labor free for us could you just give them a hand wherever you are and just welcome them 1:03 because they're an amazing group of people and uh what was really interesting to me I I was one of the few 1:10 people that got to go in right after the flood in Damascus and um the water had 1:15 receded of course and I'm looking at all these homes and I've seen pictures before on the internet where uh you know 1:22 uh floodwaters just went into all these homes down in Damascus and Taylor's Valley and and a few days later when I'm 1:30 looking at the outside of these houses they look okay I I mean actually you 1:37 probably wouldn't have even noticed when you looked at all these houses that were downtown in Damascus that they had had a 1:43 flood in some ways because the hedges were still in place the windows were 1:50 actually still clean but when you open the door of one of these houses I mean 1:55 it was disaster most of them had a foot to two feet of mud all through the house 2:03 and I thought isn't that interesting on the outside of these houses everything 2:08 looked great everything looked in order everything looked in place but then when 2:14 you open the door you begin to I mean your heart just broke for these people 2:20 because their home their house was disaster I thought about that a lot 2:27 since those days I've been working up into us and I thought what about your house today what about your home people 2:35 drive by and man on the outside they look over there that family there they got it all together I mean everything's 2:41 in place yard's good Hedges are trimmed everything looks painted and well-kept 2:47 but what about the inside of your house what about the inside of your home how's 2:54 your family today you know I remember when Brendon and I when we got married 2:59 uh we we didn't have any money and you know we're just living on love that's what it goes when you get married right and we had rented this little house for 3:06 a few years but Brenda wanted a house you know she wanted to build a house and 3:11 so uh we got all these house plans and we would one of the things we would do is we we couldn't really go out and eat 3:18 we didn't have money for that we couldn't go to the movie so we would drive through neighborhoods and she 3:23 would look at houses that she liked and then we'd look at these building plans 3:29 and I still remember to this day we were over in Abington and we drove through a little neighborhood and we saw this 3:35 country house and she said that that's the one that's the one I want we were going to build a house sort of out on 3:40 our farm and man I I remember we got some plans together we got the contractor and we were so excited but we 3:48 were scared to death at the same time and you know as as you drive through all 3:54 the neighborhoods that we have in our areas here around our locations you see 3:59 all kinds of houses that have been built and they're still being built big houses on beautiful Lots with the finest of 4:07 building materials I mean people spend lots of money on their houses we want to 4:14 get the best contractor we want to get the best supplies we can get to build our house and here is what I've learned 4:20 in America this is very true I have determined that in America we have mastered the art of building houses but 4:28 we have failed miserably at Building Homes I mean honestly guys we're failing 4:34 miserably at turning our expensive houses into homes now we're much better 4:41 at building houses than we are at Building Homes and this is really the 4:46 inspiration for my message today as we think about family Dynamics and family 4:52 relationships and when you think about your home and your family I I want us to 4:57 look at sort of what's been happen in to the American family over the last 30 5:03 years and my message today sort of comes from talking to families over and over 5:10 and over that have to go down the path of divorce or to parents who have 5:15 wavered kids who broke their hearts or kids that really want to be with parents 5:21 but the parents are too busy for them and all the things that that causes are families that have just been Shattered 5:28 by hurts and habits and Hang-Ups when you look at the landscape of the 5:34 American Family matter of fact there's a lot of research on this now over the last 30 years uh one of the trusted data 5:41 research places is Pew research and let me give you a few numbers this is what they're saying single parent homes have 5:49 increased 50% think about this one 33% of all 5:55 elementary age school children now live in a single parent home onethird of all 6:00 of our elementary school kids births outside of marriage are increasing 31% 6:07 of children younger than six experienced a major change in their family structure 6:13 mainly divorce teen suicides have actually tripled in the 6:19 last eight years divorce rates continue to rise and we can go on and on but 6:25 because you're here today I you know I don't want to depress you too much but I just want to share a few things like 6:30 that because the numbers they're not good and when I look at this data these 6:36 numbers represent hopes and lives and 6:41 Futures statistics tell us that if we continue to dismantle the American family like we have in the past 30 years 6:49 we're headed for the demise of the family Union which I think is exactly what the enemy wants you know we're 6:55 building all kinds of houses but our homes at the same time are being 7:01 dismantled so this weekend I want you to think about this uh illustration all right we'll come back to it but I want I 7:07 want you to get this now I grew up watching Andy Griffith Show I love The Andy Griffith Show I still watch Andy Griffith Show for all you young folks 7:14 out there you probably haven't seen it but I would say go find it watch a few 7:19 episodes and uh in the day and I'm old enough to remember this this is an illustration I want you to picture in 7:25 your mind I want you to picture in your mind a full service gas station now on Andy Griffith Show 7:32 goober on the full service gas station and think about this young people when you'd actually drive up to get gas for 7:38 your car goober would run out or the attendant would run out and he would put 7:44 gas in your car for you and while he's doing that all these other things he would check to be sure your car is safe 7:51 for the drive ahead that's actually that's actually the way you used to get gas I can remember doing this and paying 7:57 for gas 37 cents a gallon now you I I get it I'm old but uh for those of you 8:04 who' never had that experience I want to show you a little video just so you can sort of get this in your mind of a gas 8:10 station back in the day and this was their training manual their training 8:16 series on how they train their attendance to wait on customers when they came up to get gas watch this quick 8:22 little video here it's pretty cool let's see this routine in 8:28 action greeting the customer is your first opportunity to make sales good morning Mr Thomas may I fill 8:35 your tank with skele cutane yes please clean uniform friendly greeting 8:41 and he asked for the biggest order of the most profitable gasoline he sells kotane will perform for this user and 8:48 help make him a steady customer at the Skelly [Music] 8:54 station this man uses the sponge and shammy as sales reminders their purpose 9:00 is to remind him as he picks up the wiper blades to clean under them to feel and look at those 9:06 blades if they're torn or cracked he has a potential sail in his 9:13 hands they also remind him that seal beams and tail lights burn out and need 9:20 replacing and here's another sales tool he uses the Skelly clean as a whistle 9:27 vacuum this sales tool is really an invitation for the customer to step out and look at the merchandise on display 9:33 and an opportunity for the salesman to look inside the car to read the door jam sticker and 9:40 compare it to the mileage on the speedometer so that he will know whether or not this car needs an oil change 9:46 before he looks under the hood he gets under the hood without 9:52 asking and he remembers to get the customer's permission before removing the pressure C 10:00 [Music] the booklet tells when to do it and when it can be dangerous and the train 10:07 driveway salesman remembers that he has sales aids for use under the hood 10:12 too the dipstick battery 10:21 testers the hydrometer all of these sales AIDS help him to find the need and 10:26 to demonstrate it to the customer [Music] above all he uses the two best tools he 10:34 has his eyes and His Hands it takes only moments to look to 10:41 feel to [Music] inspect all it takes is a close look one 10:48 KNE discovered and he has taken the big step toward turning a routine service into a profitable sales 10:54 [Music] opportunity can you believe that I me 10:59 that's how it used to be when you get gas you the attendant would run out you don't have oil all over him I mean he's Sharp Dressed he checks everything it's 11:07 pretty cool that he is actually not only giving you gas for your car but he's checking everything else so it's all 11:14 smooth and it's all ready for the road trip ahead so I want you to think about 11:20 that all right I want you to keep that illustration in your mind because I want you to think about your home as a full 11:27 service gas station all right I want you to think about that now time out let's go back let's look at some scripture 11:34 today it's interesting when God began his creative work that when he was 11:40 creating our solar system and he was creating of course the water and the land and the trees and all this creation 11:48 attempt was leading up to the creation of the human race and the Bible tells us 11:54 that Adam and Eve were created and God makes it clear that the family was to be the most basic sociological structure in 12:02 the new world let's look at this back in Genesis right from the beginning Chapter 2 Verse 18 it's what it says then the 12:09 Lord God said it's not good for man to be alone I will make a helper who is 12:14 just right for him then in verse 21 so the Lord God caused the man to fall into 12:20 a deep sleep and while the man slept the Lord God took out one of man's ribs and 12:26 closed up the opening and then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and he 12:32 brought her to man and the translation says that Adam says at last I think a 12:38 better translation was he said oh wow you know something like that anyway at last Adam says and he says this one is 12:46 bone from my bone flesh from my flesh she'll be called woman because she was 12:51 taken from man and this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is 12:57 joined to his wife and the two are united into one nothing else could 13:03 compare in the Old Testament with the priority of the family and all through 13:10 the Bible God underscores the importance of the family unit if you go over to the 13:15 New Testament let's look in Ephesians where Pastor Tim's been teaching he'll hit here in a couple of weeks look in 13:21 Ephesians 6 this what it says children obey your parents because you belong to 13:27 the Lord this is the right thing thing to do honor your father and mother this is the first commandment with the 13:33 promise if you honor father and mother things go well for you and you'll have a long life on the earth fathers do not 13:41 provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them rather bring them up 13:46 in the discipline and the instruction that comes from the Lord so we have 13:52 instruction from scripture for husbands and wives and children now you're 13:58 thinking well all right what in the world does this have to do with a full service gas station well this is what it 14:05 has to do with it all throughout God's word he makes it clear that the fuel 14:11 that energizes the family unit is the love of God it's God's love not the 14:18 surface kind of love you see on all these crazy shows on TV today but the fuel for an effective family God says is 14:26 love which brings commitment and tenderness and loyalty and humility and openness and devotion I mean the love 14:34 the marriage love the marital love sets a tone for the whole family parental love sets atone for the children and the 14:41 children are actually responding in love when you obey your parents and guys when 14:48 love is flowing through a family a house becomes a home and the family becomes a 14:55 refuge and this if you study all the things is happening in our culture today 15:01 this is what the whole world is looking for so if lovees the fuel we got to be 15:07 on guard as a family separates you know how it is in your life just like it is in our family we go out into the world 15:14 we go our own way every day we go out into the jungle this place called the world and the world system drains us 15:22 wears us out because the world offers no true love to us so what happens well 15:28 we're we're wore down when we get in the evening and everybody comes home kids from school parents from work and 15:36 everybody comes home and guess guess how much fuel we got in our tank it's all empty isn't it our fuel has been drained 15:43 from the world in which we're called to go out and live and each family member 15:50 comes home and needs to be refueled with love when they get home dad he may not 15:57 think so but he needs refueled mom she needs it and the kids desperately need it the family is not going to function 16:05 until each one of us gets refueled but the question is this if all the family 16:10 members are in line to get filled up we all need to get refueled when we get into the evening then who's going to 16:15 fill the tanks I mean this is a great question right whose job is it to fill the tanks of the family members I mean 16:23 who's the attendant at home that's going to run out and fill up everybody's tank 16:29 well you know it's just not mom who is singlehandedly supposed to run out fill 16:36 up everybody's tank and nobody thinks it's Dad's responsibility right I mean he's supposed to come home and bring the 16:42 paycheck kick back in his easy chair and watch ESPN and of course the kids I mean 16:48 that couldn't be their responsibility I mean they don't have any responsibility anyway so who is the attendant that's 16:55 going to come out when everybody in the family has come home drained to refuel 17:01 the tank what do the Bible say the scripture would suggest that each family 17:08 member is a combination customer and attendant to begin fing the tanks with 17:15 love that's right the job is for each family member husbands you need to put 17:22 on the attendance uniform and refuel and refill the emotional tanks of your wife 17:29 she's got a need that the husband alone can meet and if he doesn't meet it goes unmet the wife also has responsibility 17:37 of putting on the attendance uniform uniform and go out and refuel and refill the needs of her husband and if his need 17:45 goes unmet then he looks for something else to fill that need then the Bible 17:50 teaches that we as parents are to put on the attendance uniform and we are to run 17:56 out side by side and we're to refill the tanks of our kids who need it so bad in 18:03 the culture in which they live and if they don't get it for us if they don't get it from the parents you know what uh 18:10 they're going to go for the SEC second cousin of love and that's attenion they'll get it somewhere and then the 18:17 Bible says that children you're not off the hook either you are to honor and 18:22 respect and encourage and in a way refill your parents' t 18:29 because truth is parents are people too so you see every member of the family is 18:37 both an attendant and a customer at the Home full service station now if only 18:46 more of the family members would be willing to Pump Fuel into each other's 18:51 tanks instead of just everybody lining up at the pump you know how it goes honking the horn impatiently man in 18:59 service I want to promise you guys if You' be willing to put on the attendance 19:04 uniform the whole nature of the family would change it's a challenge it's a 19:11 challenging season in which all of us live but it's the challenge of getting the family to work together and to 19:18 assume responsibility for each other each family member has the ability to 19:24 leave an effective mark on the family if he or she will only suit up in the 19:31 attendance uniform could you imagine what a difference this would make so how do you fill up other family members how 19:40 what are we to do to fill up other family if we get it and we're willing to say yeah you probably got a point there 19:45 well how do we do it I want to give you three things all right I going to give you three things today real simple I 19:50 want to encourage you as you refuel other family members tanks to do it with 19:57 a word a look and a touch with a word a look and a 20:05 touch now when you think about these three little simple things if you just 20:12 give a look and you give a loving word and a positive touch into the members of 20:20 your family I want to promise you it will pump gallons of necessary fuel into 20:27 those other family members so let's break it down real quick all right I want to share a few things with you most 20:32 of us are not aware of how a a look can 20:38 be so amazing in in our relationships with others and we just don't get it now 20:44 we get if looks could kill right I mean we've seen that I I got to tell you this story and I've shared it before but it's 20:49 too good to not pass this is perfect for this illustration used two years ago we had a service at our Bristol campus on 20:56 Saturday night and I love that service and I remember one Saturday night I'm headed down there I've got the kids 21:02 Brenda couldn't go and so I got all the kids with me we're late as we usually were and I'm driving down interstate 21:09 I've never been a good driver I'm like a maniac I'm going weaving here and as we get down to exit uh that was exit 5 at 21:17 the time and I'm get I'm getting ready to to turn off and I cut right in front 21:22 I almost hit another car and the kids are like Dad you almost hit another car 21:28 well this this uh lady that I pass she passes me back really quick and she 21:34 rolls down the window and she tells me that I'm number one I mean she I she you 21:40 know she really loved me that day you know well uh as she passed me I couldn't help but notice sh have's Fellowship 21:48 sticker on her window and I thought it's too good to pass up right here so I run 21:53 beside her and pass her again and I see her she looks over at me if looks could 21:59 kill I mean she could kill me and then she realizes that's my pastor and all of 22:06 a sudden looks to kill became looks of love and I laughed and I waved at her 22:13 but I you it's something I will cherish for the rest of my life that story I I just thought so many times in our life a 22:20 Look of Love can make a huge difference you know a look is really sort of the 22:27 window of our soul soul and why don't we look into each other's eyes more often 22:32 and try to communicate love with each other I mean parents when you get in from work and and you kick back and what 22:40 do we do most time we pick up the phone or we turn on the TV or we get the iPad out kids come home they begin to tell 22:47 you about trivial things about their day we don't really want to hear about their day but what would happen if you put 22:54 your phone down cut the TV off and even stupid Stu things they want to share 22:59 with you you said hey tell me all about your day I want to hear all about your 23:05 day today let me know what happened in your day man that would change it wouldn't it those of you that are here 23:13 uh let me challenge all of our locations if you sitting beside your husband or wife or you're sitting beside one of 23:19 your kids or Just Friends sitting with you how about don't look at me just for a second but just look over in their 23:27 eyes not come on all you still looking at me all right look look over in their 23:32 it sort of freaks you out doesn't it I mean we we just don't do this very often 23:37 in the culture in which we live but when you begin to do that a Look of Love can 23:43 refill the tank here's second thing a word a positive word or word of love can 23:50 really refill our tanks kids if you want to refill your parents tank uh let me 23:57 tell you how to do it four words I love you dad I love you Mom I G tell you I 24:04 can take my tank from empty to full you know just remember that a feeling of 24:13 love and this idea of a word of love and it just it can change a whole dynamic 24:21 and I would just encourage you make a decision to fill the tanks of your family by speaking kind words to them I 24:30 revolutionize your family if we just discipline ourselves to say kind words 24:35 to each other I think our houses would become homes you know used to we would 24:43 talk when we were think about having kids and and uh we would think wouldn't it be neat if you could custom design your kids you ever thought about this I 24:49 don't know probably not but I do and and I remember when we had Martha and then we were fortunate we adopted this this 24:56 this works better for girls and guys but um I got five kids in case some of you don't know me and uh we had two we 25:03 called homemade and then we have three we call Heart mid we adopted three we adopted B and Timmy from Ethiopia and we 25:09 adopted Chris from the local DSS system and uh I can remember vividly one of the 25:15 things when I would see Martha or I would see Bella and they had had a hard 25:21 day it's when they were kids you know and I said well come over here and let's talk about it and they' tell me a little 25:28 a little bit about their day and then i' I'd put Martha on my lap and I said Martha you know what if I was looking 25:34 for a little girl all over the world you know I I would pick a little girl that's 25:40 got a nose just like yours i' I'd pick a little girl that's got ears that look 25:46 just like yours why pick a little girl that's got a smile just like your smile 25:51 I do same thing with Bella you know and you could just tell the world sort of crushed in on them that day and as I 25:57 began to point out feat about them that frown sort of turned into a smile and 26:03 then I would sort of say you know what if I could pick any girl all over the world man I'd pick you and that was a 26:12 way just through a word of kindness to 26:17 refuel an entire kid's tank so I think we have opportunities like that because 26:24 when we come in the end of the day man our tanks are empty and give you one more dad this one's for you a touch a 26:31 physical touch can also fill an empty tank I mean just a 10 second Embrace can 26:38 really feel an empty tank I don't know if it's possible to overemphasize the power for loving touch but it's a 26:45 powerful Communicator just a a quick hug or maybe a a tap on the shoulder a high 26:52 five I used to give Timmy high fives all the time can fill up an empty tank 26:58 and the reason I sort of pick on you dads is because statistics show that actually dads show physical loving 27:05 expression through touch one six as often as moms do every customer 27:13 attendant is responsible for filling the tanks of the other family members so let 27:20 me close with this several years ago I was invited to a conference and uh one 27:25 of the reasons I wanted to go is because I'd read this book halftime the guy who wrote it was Bob Buford and his wife 27:32 Linda and they were being interviewed in this conference I was at by James Dobson 27:38 focus on the family and uh if you don't know their story this book's still in 27:43 print I would encourage you to get it it's an amazing book made a huge impact on my life and the tragedy that Bob and 27:52 Linda suffered their only son Ross he was um a young adult 27:59 already graduated from college and in his first job and he tried with a couple 28:04 of his buddies to swim across the Rio Grand River and he didn't make it and he 28:11 drowned tragically in the Rio Grand and I am hearing this testimony of 28:17 Bob and Linda who had just lost their only son with uh James asking some questions 28:23 and the grief in the room I mean the grief was still fresh for them 28:29 and Bob and his wife Linda they were you know answering these questions the best they could and Jim asked Linda this 28:37 question and he said Linda how did you cope with this agonizing loss of your 28:43 only son and I'll I'll never forget this and she said well Jim I can cope for two 28:50 reasons one Ross was a Christian so I know that I will see him 28:57 again one day and that is the hope that we have secondly I can cope because I 29:05 don't have any regrets with the way that I raised and 29:11 loved my son no regrets man I I remember hearing that 29:16 testimony that was when even Martha my oldest was still young and I heard her say that and it 29:23 pierced my heart I mean I thought that saying expresses 29:29 exactly the desire of my heart as a family member you know what I've learned 29:36 after all these years there's no guarantees what's going to happen to your spouse or your 29:42 kids but I want no regrets don't you I don't want to do 29:49 anything that would cause me to have a regret if God chose to take one of my 29:56 family members home [Music] I don't want to have a feeling that went unexpressed or a promise that was 30:03 unkempt or a commitment that was unfulfilled so let me ask you as we 30:08 finish up today any regrets in the room today any regrets in our campuses any 30:16 regrets with you as a family member if so I I want to give you a little 30:22 homework and I know you got big plans for the big game and all that but I just I just want to give you a little 30:28 homework kids you if you if you're a child or a teenager in the house today I 30:34 want before the day is over for you to actually communicate 30:40 verbally a word of love to every other member of your family mom you or wife if 30:49 you're here today before you go to bed tonight I want you to communicate a look 30:55 of love to every person in your family and Dad I give you a 31:02 little Grace for the week's over all right I'd like for you to communicate Just a Touch of Love a hug or a high 31:11 five to every member of your family because the truth is today for our 31:17 church to be the church that Pastor Tim desires for it to be and you desire it 31:22 to be our families have to be strong and I believe there's no greater attack in 31:28 our culture today than on the family unit but Church let's rally together and 31:35 let's put on the attendance uniform not only are you an customer but we're an 31:41 attendant and may we give a word and a touch may we be able to just Express 31:47 these feelings of love to refuel our family members tanks every day hey would 31:52 you pray with me let's pray father I thank you so much for just your word today a simple message message about 31:58 family relationships and I pray today that we would live in our families with 32:04 no regrets that we would see this is a gift that God has given us for how many 32:10 days we do not know but Lord I pray that we would cherish the time we have 32:16 husbands and wives cherish that time parents cherish That season you 32:23 have with your kids sure there's crazy things that happen all the time cherish those moments kids grow up so 32:31 quick and I pray for our church today that this would be a place for families 32:38 that we would see it as our refuge we could come to this place we could hear your word taught we could be 32:44 strengthened we could find accountability I thank you for our pastor today that he teaches straight 32:50 from the word of God and that is the best fuel we can have for our 32:56 family if you're here today and you've never trusted in Jesus Christ I know I've spoken to the family but hey that's 33:03 a regret I don't want you to have any regrets and I would ask you if you if 33:09 you love your family the greatest gift you could ever give to your family is to 33:14 put Jesus Christ first and foremost in your life and so if you're here today 33:19 and you'd like to trust Jesus it's just as simple as ABC just admit that you're a sinner just say Jesus I've sinned I'm 33:27 not perfect believe that Jesus died for you on the cross and became the payment for your 33:33 sin and confess with your mouth that Jesus can save you and will save you if 33:41 you make a decision like that by all means let us know we want to come alongside you and help you through it we 33:46 love you today we love the families that are here today we love single moms raising kids today we love all of you 33:53 that have had difficulties in your family we love you this is a safe place 33:59 for all to come and to hear the love of Our Savior Jesus Christ it's a reason we 34:06 call Highland's home we love you today Lord thank you for loving us in Christ's name amen