Highlands Fellowship You Can't Please Everyone Transcript
Well, hey everybody and welcome to Highlands Fellowship. It's so awesome that we all get to be together here. Whether you're joining us in Marion or Bristol here in Abingdon at one of our cafe venues, maybe you're at the country tent or at the chapel, we're so glad that you're here, online, on TV. It's just exciting that we get to be together and we're excited about hearing from God's word today, and after such wonderful worship, it just gets your heart to where it needs to be. But what we're going to do is we're going to jump right into the message today, and we'll start with the second truth of this series that we're calling Hard Truths. So we're going to wrestle with four truths throughout the course of this series, truths that God intends to bring freedom into our lives with. But these same truths, when they get distorted, oftentimes what happens is our spiritual enemy will weaponize these truths to bring shame, to bring fear, and to bring paralysis into our lives.
So what we're going to do is we're going to look at the second truth today. And I think that you're going to be able to relate to this one. The truth is this: you can't please everyone. You can't please everyone. And so often we become absolutely obsessed with what everyone else thinks about us. And what we end up doing is we forget what God thinks about us. And there's real danger in living for the approval of other people. And here's something that I want you to understand today: when the desire for human approval grows, sensitivity to God's voice fades. And I want to say that again because this is so very important. The truth is you can't please everyone. And when the desire for human approval grows in our lives, sensitivity to God's voice fades away.
So we're in week two of this Hard Truths series. And today we're going to deal with the truth that most of us, we know it in our minds, we know it intellectually, but most of us don't live it out practically. And that is the truth that no matter how hard you try, you can never ever please everyone. Now look, I'm a regular person and in reality, I really want for you to like me, okay? I really do. And I feel that pressure and I feel it whether it's real or imagined, we feel that pressure. If I do a good job, then you'll come back. If I don't do a good job, you won't. And so there's this real unhealthy temptation to surrender my life to the opinions of others.
Now, you're probably like me and you know the truth that you can't please everyone. You know that. But it's weird really how our spiritual enemy can go in and can manipulate that truth in such a way that it actually hurts us. So you may say, "Well, I can't please everyone, so I better work really, really, really hard to please as many people as I possibly can." Or for you, it might be, "Well, I know I can't please everyone, so there are just these certain people that I've got to devote my entire life to pleasing, because if they're not happy, then I am an absolute failure." The truth is that you are not designed to please everyone. So each of us has to come to an understanding that, you know what, I can't please everyone, but I can do this: I can please God. So I want to talk to you today about living for the approval of people and how that is so very dangerous, and that we're not to live for the approval of people, but instead we need to live for an audience of one, and that is our heavenly father.
So, let's start today with a story about the Apostle Paul as he went into Galatia, and as he went into Galatia, he was kind of going in to straighten out a bit of a mess. And what he realized is people didn't know what it took to be made right with God. They were a bit confused. And some people said, "Well, you got to be circumcised in order to be made right with God or in order to be saved." Others said, "No, you just have to obey the whole law." Some said, "No, you have to do both of those things." And then there were even others who said, "You don't have to do either." So Paul came in to straighten all this mess out. And what he was going to do is he was going to tell them the truth that the only way that you can be made right with God is by faith in Jesus Christ and in faith in Jesus alone. So he came in with this very bold and controversial message.
And as soon as he started preaching it, he realized that there was this big group of people that were getting angry with him. And watch how, like overnight, his approval rating plummeted. What he did was he came in and he preached boldly: you must receive Jesus and Jesus alone. And there were a lot of people that didn't like his message. And that's why he made this very very bold statement, which I absolutely love, in Galatians chapter 1 verse 10. And he said this, it's something that I hope will be true for all of us. He said, "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God." He said, "I'm not trying to be a people pleaser. No, I'm trying to please God." Now, check this out. He says, "If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." If I'm always trying to please people, then I'm going to be taking my eyes off of pleasing Christ. When the desire for human approval grows in us, sensitivity to God's voice fades. I can't please everyone, but I can please God.
So let me ask you a question. Are you a people pleaser? Are you driven, like I have been in too many seasons of my life, by what people think? And so to help us unpack this, I'll give you four characteristics of a people pleaser. So the first one is this: for people pleasers, criticism feels deeply personal and overwhelming. Someone criticizes you and you are absolutely devastated by it. You're like, "Oh, that hurts so bad." And for me, it's been true for years. I could have 10 people come up to me and say, "Tim, you had a great sermon today." And then one person comes in and says, "You know, I didn't like such and such." And it's like, "Oh no, I'm a failure," right? Because I tend to take criticism too personally.
Another characteristic of people pleasers is that rejection is feared more than obedience is desired. Like, please don't reject me. Please like me. I'll do whatever it takes if you don't reject me, right? A third characteristic of people pleasers is honest thoughts and emotions tend to stay hidden. Like, I'd like to tell you what I think, but I'm afraid that you won't like me anymore. I'm afraid that it might hurt your feelings. So we find it hard to express our feelings. But then there's a fourth characteristic of people pleasers, and that would be saying no feels almost impossible. And if you're like me, you can be very agreeable on the outside, but you can become resentful on the inside. "Hey, Tim, can you come help do this?" "Well, sure, no problem at all, I'd love to help." And I do it with a smile on my face and then I gripe about it later, right? Or I'll think, "What in the world did I just get myself into?"
And here's the reality: people pleasers are addicts. They are addicted. Just as a drug addict seeks drugs, people pleasers seek approval. And it's a very dangerous disease, because when we desire the human approval, when that grows within us, sensitivity to God's voice tends to fade. When we become obsessed with what people think about us, we forget what God thinks about us. So what are we going to do? Well, let's look at two reasons why people pleasing is so very dangerous. And I pray that the truth of God's word would keep us from living for the applause of men, and instead that we would live to please God.
So the first reason that it's so dangerous is that people pleasing is actually a form of idolatry. And I know that this sounds like a harsh statement, but it's true. God says, "You shall have no other gods before me." But when we surrender our lives to the opinions of other people instead of the opinion of God, what we're doing is we are elevating people into God's rightful spot. Like, I care more about what you think than what God thinks. And that is idolatry. In fact, I would consider people pleasing to be more of a spiritual issue than a relational issue because it's idolatry. We see a great example of this in the New Testament when some of the leaders, like they were believers in Christ, but they wouldn't go public with their faith. Much like some of you, perhaps you're a believer, but you don't go public with your faith because you might be criticized. Here's the reason why they didn't go public. It's John 12, the second part of verse 42, and then also verse 43. It says this: "But because of the Pharisees, they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear that they would be put out of the synagogue. For what did they love? They loved human praise more than praise from God." That's idolatry. We love for people to like us more than we love to live like what God has called us to live like.
You know, I was thinking about this over the past week or so and I tried to ask myself, like, when was the first time in my life that I can remember being consumed with what people think? And I remember back to when I was a little kid, I was probably in the first grade or somewhere around there. And my brothers and my friends, we would ride bikes all the time. We would just ride everywhere. And one day, there were a few of us that were riding and we went up to the top of the hill and we all made a big promise that we would not use our brakes. We were going to go down the hill without any brakes at all, and I knew it was a bad idea and I was absolutely scared to death, but I had promised. So the next thing I know, the others had taken off down the hill and I didn't want to be left out or be called a wimp or anything like that. So I went flying down the hill after them.
Now, what's important to know is that when you got down to the bottom of this hill, you had to take a pretty sharp right-hand turn in order not to hit the curb on the other side of the road. Well, I was carrying way too much speed and I had no chance of making that turn. So what I did is I ended up hitting that curb just head-on so hard that I went flying over the handlebars into one of our neighbors' well-manicured bushes, right? And it knocked the breath out of me. But I'm telling you, it hurt. And it was a bad idea. And I shouldn't have done it, but I did, because I cared more about the opinions of people than I did about doing the right thing. And what happened is I fell into a trap. A trap that consumed me for way too much of my life. A trap that I still battle with today.
In fact, what I want to do is I want to go over three people-pleasing traps that really fall under this one verse. So let's look at Proverbs 29:25. And I really want you to feel the power of this verse. Scripture says this: "Not the fear of God, but the fear of whom? Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts the Lord will be kept safe." Fear of man, fear of what they're going to do, fear of what they're going to think, fear of what they're going to say about me, the fear of man, it proves to be a trap. Now, the Hebrew word that's translated as snare very literally means a trap, a noose, a baited device used to catch animals. And these traps are set intentionally by our spiritual enemy.
So what does this look like? Well, it might be, "Well, hey, why don't you come do this for me?" And you're like, "Sure, I'll go." And all of a sudden, you've been led into this trap. We're being dragged around about by what other people think about us. And we think, "Hey, do you like my shirt? Or do you think I'm funny? Or do you think I'm cool? Or are you going to invite me to the party? Or do you like the house that I have? Or do I fit in?" And what is all of that? Well, it's a trap that will drag you around your entire life if you let it. And we have to be set free. So I want to give you three common traps that our enemy will lure us into.
The first trap is really one of compromise. It's called the compromise trap. You've got a boy and a girl and they're dating and maybe the boy's putting the moves on, putting some pressure on, and the girl thinks, "No, I really want to save myself for marriage because I believe it's the right thing to do, but I also don't want to let him down, and I want him to think that I love him." And so she gives in. Or maybe it's at work or at school and somebody tells a bad joke, and you know it's just disgusting, but you kind of laugh anyway because you don't want them to think, "Here's the religious weirdo," right? And so you end up compromising. And maybe it's the way that you spend your money. And it's sad because so many people will go in debt and they're dying and they're drowning financially. Why? So that you can like the way that I dress. So that you can think my house is nice. So that you can think my car is nice. So that you can think my vacations are cool. Why? Because we feel this pressure to live up to everyone else's expectations, and so we fall into the compromise trap. And maybe you're not doing so good at your job, and so you've got to get this deal done, and so you kind of lie a little bit. Maybe you massage the numbers so that you can close the deal and your boss will like you. And what you've done is you've compromised because the fear of man will prove to be a snare. It's a trap. You compromise because you care more about what others think than what God thinks.
The next trap is this: it's one of overcommitment. It's the overcommitment trap. "I care so much about what you think that I'm going to do more than I should so that you will think highly of me." You might ask, "Hey, can you do this?" "Well, yeah, I can do that." "Can you do this?" "Sure, I can do that too." In fact, I would argue that just the pressure that our culture puts on us to live up to everyone else's expectations of what a good person does has become absolutely insane. It's insane how overcommitted, overstretched, and under-resourced we are, that most people have very little time for God, much less time for their family, because they're living up to everyone else's expectations. It's the overcommitment trap.
And there's a third trap, and that is the limitation trap. And this is the idea that I'll shrink back from what God calls me to do so that others can stay comfortable. And some of you, you feel called by God to be a leader. You have a vision inside of you to have a big business one day and you want to be a leader in your community and you want to influence people for Christ, or you've got a vision for ministry. And let me just say that the more you do and the higher God causes you to rise, the more people are not going to like you. And a lot of times people will stop doing the right thing because of the opinions of others. And let me just tell you, the more successful you become, the more people are going to throw stones. They're going to misunderstand you. They're going to criticize you. And you just have to understand that this is part of the territory. And you have to love the approval of God and the vision of God more than you love the opinion of other people. Because if you let the opinions of other people drive you, you're going to put a ceiling on your success, and you'll no longer rise to become what God has called you to be, because you are going to succumb to what other people say and think that you should do. It's a very common trap. And what is it? It's idolatry. It's surrendering and sacrificing the values of God, the call of God on your life, for the opinion and the approval of other people.
So, what's the answer? Because for me, and I'll tell you right now, this is an ongoing challenge for me. As a pastor, I want to serve you and I want you to like me. But the only way that I can effectively do what God wants me to do is to not live in a way that pleases people, but instead in a way that pleases God. So the number one thing, um, or the number one thing that is about idolatry and people pleasing, is that we've got to go after God with everything in us. But here's the answer to that, and it's the second thing, and it's this: a proper fear of God breaks the power of human approval. A proper fear of God breaks the power of human approval. And this is such a simple but yet a very powerful statement, and it can be absolutely and completely life-changing.
The fear of God is really the best remedy for the fear of what other people think. In fact, if you would say, "I'm kind of a people pleaser," well, let me just tell you this, and I'm going to say it lovingly, but I'm going to say it boldly, and that is this: people are way too big in your life, and you've made God way too small. Let me say that again because you need to hear this. The opinions of people are too big. You're giving them way too much weight, and you're giving very little weight to the opinion of God in your life. It's become too small. So here's what scripture says in Psalm 34:9: "Fear the Lord." And this is a holy fear, it's an awe. "Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing." So when you fear God and show him reverence, like when God becomes big in your life, when you honor him, when he is first, then you won't need the approval of people because you'll have the approval of God, and that'll be all that you need.
For example, when you are tempted to compromise your values, instead, when God becomes so big to you, all of a sudden the grip of people, it loosens itself on you and you say, "You know, I want to live for God. So your opinion will not slow me down." Like if you want me to do something that I know is not from God, God is so big in my life, he's so close to me, I won't let you determine me or deter me from doing what it is that God desires for me to do. So if you say that I should be doing such and such with my life, but God is calling me to take a step of faith, then I'm going to obey God. Even if you don't like it. Like if my family looks a bit different from your family, that's okay. And you may call me weird and you may say, "Why are you so involved in this church thing?" Because that is what God has called me to do. That's what he's called us to be about. It doesn't matter what you think. We're going to be obedient to God. Why? God is everything to me. Because I want to live my life for him and not for the approval of people.
And when you live for God, I promise you, you will be different. You will be different because normal is rarely godly. God becomes so big to you, you say, "I won't compromise for anybody else." God becomes so big that you won't overcommit, because you are going to do life according to the rhythms of God. We think stress is normal because we're being dragged around by the expectations of everyone else. And one of our greatest sins could be that we are committing the sin of doing too much. I will not do what everyone else expects. I will do what God tells me to do, and God alone. Because God is so big in my life. I will obey what he says, and I will not let the opinions of other people limit my success. Like if God calls me to take a step of faith, even if everyone else disagrees because maybe it's a bit risky, I'm not living for you, I'm living for God. If God calls me to lead my family in a different way than what you think I should, it's God that I'm going to try to please. Even if others criticize, I'm still going to do what God has called me to do. Because God is becoming so big that a proper fear of God breaks the power of human approval. It's the fear of God. It's getting close to God and it's living for him and for him alone.
Now, I don't know exactly how to say this, but here's the truth: you have to be set free. You have to be set free from this, because chances are there are so many things about your life that would be dramatically different if you were not always so concerned about what people think. And some of you, you may even have a different career today. Some of you may be educating your kids in a different way. You'd be living in a different place and you'd have financial margin. Maybe something that many of you haven't experienced if you are not conforming to the patterns of this world. Like scripture teaches us, do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The only way that you can be totally changed is to stop caring what everybody else thinks and to go after the Lord and be who God has created you to be. You don't have to dress like them. You don't have to talk like them. You don't have to live like them. If you live like everyone else, you are not following Jesus Christ. Because our culture today is all about self and it's all about consumerism. And it is a sickness. And you need to be set free. You must be set free. And if you are consumed with what people think about you, that will cause you to forget what God thinks about you. Like even in church today, sometimes the message is, what are we going to say that pleases people? Well, no, no, no, no, no. We have to ask, what is going to please God? And when God's approval matters the most, the pressure to please everyone else begins to lose its grip.
So let's do this. Let's seek him. Let's surrender to him. Let's get to know him more and more and more, because you can't please everyone, but you can please God. Let's pray together. Lord, we thank you so much for the opportunity to come into your house and to worship you, to hear from your word. And we know that we get caught up in this trap all the time about trying to please other people. But God, what we have to understand is that when we go after the approval of people, it really distorts our view of you. And it causes us to hear you less and to go after what you desire for us less. And so my prayer is that today we would truly surrender our hearts and lives to you, to give you everything we've got. And that might cause us, well not might, that will cause us to look different than the world. And it won't be just a slight difference. It will be a distinct difference, because those who follow after Christ are going to look different. And different's not a bad thing. Because if we look at normal, normal is stressed out. Normal is living in debt. Normal is living with all this weight and the pressure of "I can do it all myself." No. God, we want to live in the peace that you give. We want to look different. So my prayer today is that we would truly stop caring about the opinions of others and we would care about what it is you've called us to do, and we would go after it with focus and determination and perseverance in a way that we never have about anything in our lives before. So God, my prayer again is that we would surrender our hearts and lives to you. And if there's somebody who needs to do that today, make that decision today. Give your heart and life over to Jesus Christ and allow him to be the Lord of your life, guiding you each and every step of the way, because he is a good God. But God, we can't please everyone, but you tell us that we can please you. So help us to live a life that is honoring and pleasing to you. We love you and we praise you. It's in the name of Jesus that we pray. And everyone said, "Amen."